Classified Comfort. Mil-Spec Nap Gear.
When the mission gets rough and the eyelids get heavy, deploy the UMPillow — the world’s first submachine-gun-shaped sleep system designed for elite operators of the dream realm.
Built for high-speed, low-drag lounging, the UMPillow delivers suppressed stress, full-auto comfort, and a guaranteed recoil-free rest experience. Whether you're breaching couches or taking cover under a weighted blanket, this soft-bodied firearm of fluff is your go-to for rapid eye movement ops.
Tactical Stitching: Reinforced seams for all-night ops.
Caliber: .Zzz (Zero Lethality, 100% Softness)
Attachment Ready: No rails, but perfect for cuddles.
Operator Sleep Time (OST): ∞ hours.
Pillow of Choice for Tier-1 Nap Units.
Remember: Always keep your finger off the trigger and on the snooze button.
UMPillow — because even warriors need rest.